February 2006 Archives

My Beloved Ministers and Rabbi,

On this most beautiful of Shrove Tuesday's I say Good Flapjack to all - and to our only gay, French, homophobe Minister - Happy Birthday.  Now, here's a little taste of how I celebrated National Flapjack day:

Yes, I spent my much anticipated lunch hour at IHOP, celebrating the SHRIVING and enjoying a free short stack.  Yes, I sat at a table for one.  Yes, I asked the ever dutiful Juan Ocala (my server) to snap a couple pictures of the occasion for documentation purposes.  And yes, I enjoyed my complimentary short stack with a side of eggs (three, scrambled), bacon, sausage links, ranch, and hollandaise (of course).  I hope you all had a Flapjack day as fulfilling as mine.  Good night, and Good Flapjack.

-Minister of Coordination and Rousing

(The details of "IFS: THE RECKONING" will be worked out shortly, and I will be posting all of the necessary information).

Did this guy get Baumanned or Baez'd Winkleman'd?

Pictures of monkeys doing it to follow.

The planning of the March meeting in Vegas during the weekend of the 31st is still forging forward thanks to the unselfishness of a certain Simone Gonzalez. Apparently one of her friend's dad is a big shot on the Las Vegas strip. By that, I mean, the character of Terry Benedict so passionately portrayed by Andy Garcia in the funloving capper movie remake of a Rat Pack classic is based upon this certain individual. Wow Dad. From my understanding the rooms are in the bag and we will soon be crusing casino floors with an extreme sense of unreserved accomplishment and a bottle of Jack in tow. Dream a little dream. Happy Flapjack!   

Ministers and Rabbi,

Well, here we are.  Who would of thought, it's Shrove Tuesday (National Pancake Day) already.  In celebration of this most grand of Holidays, IHOP is serving free short stacks until 2pm this afternoon (this is just a reminder, I'm pretty sure MT posted on this already - Power...).  So, take advantage of this generous offer!  And if you end up going, document your celebration with a photo and post it on the site. Have a Merry Shrove Tuesday, and please, get into an IHOP near you and put you Flapjack where your mouth is.

-C & R

You've asked for it, and now you're going to get it. As MOA, I now bring you another touching moment in the history of sports. The setting is the basketball gym at Greece Athena High in Rochester, New York. The protagonist is a young student who is the team manager; jobs include distributing balls, towels, and water. (Just bare with me, this video is way better than Waterboy the movie.) However, the antagonist is fate itself, for this boy has autism. But can fate be altered by one rise to glory? The story of this young man will answer that question and bring you to the brink of tears...or at least choke you up a little. It got me.

Who could resist...

I thought the comments were getting a little crazy on the last post, and as a new issue has arisen we needed another post on this.  The Minister of Athletics has informed the Minister of Wardrobe that he would not be able to make it the weekend of March 24th - 26th.  This would not be a big deal, but as a baby flapjacker certain laws apply to him that must be maintained.  As this will only be our 2nd meeting outside of the central coast, this is new territory for our esteemed organization. 

What can we do?  I am in favor of a secondary meeting in SB in the month of March, but I don't work on weekends and know that many Ministers do.  This may also take money from our already limited budgets for Vegas.  Been saving Monkey?

Monkey, it almost looks like your car.  There are three of these commercials but the trebuchet they use in this one makes it that much better.

p.s. Since everyone hasn't posted comments on the Vegas post I assume we are all going on March 24th then?  The debate over the proper location has already begun.

I know...trust me, I know all too well. Since our last glorious meeting I'm sure you all have been fantasizing about the upcoming weekender in March. By weekender, I mean a movement of men that shall cause an earthquake of epic proportions that cannot be measured on any Richter scale. Vegas baby, Vegas. The bright lights of sin-city have been shining in my dreams rousing me from peaceful slumber, yet reminding me of the necessity of proper planning for such a momentous meeting. I have taken the liberty to research the rates of hotels for the weekend of March 24-26. The Excalibur runs around $420 for the entire weekend, whereas the Bellagio runs about $470 for one night stay. There is also Caesar's Palace, New York New York and Monte Carlo all around $300-$400. It is obvious the weekend will put pressure on the pocketbook with all the expenses: slots, craps, and the occasional stripper but why would stifle our experience with cutting corners. I by no means want to wake up to a diet of Jim Beam and illegal stimulants, walk out of the elevator face-to-face with Merlin in the Sherwood Forest...you son of a bitch. I'm still in the midst of attempting to get a deal for the Bellagio or Alladin, but if we are to make this dream a reality we must make commit to reservations at a hotel in the thick of gambling environment that will afford us beautiful heinys and stiff drinks. I've got my suit ready, my bags are packed and I'm ready to win that Dodge Viper...goddammit, I need this. If anyone has any further connections or ideas for accommodations, feel free to post, but we need to make reservations in the next week. Viva Las Vegas.

Fellow Ministers and Rabbi-

     For my first post I would like to show you all a little video I dug up on a topic that, as the Minister of Athletics, is dear to my heart: The Olympics. This video highlights one of the many strong, courageous, and noble athletes that represents our beloved red, white, and blue of the US of A in these XX Winter Olympic Games held in Torino, Italy. He truly carries the motto of the Olympic Games: Citius, Altius, Fortius (Swifter, Higher, Stronger) on his shoulders.

His name is John G. Weir, a heralded figure skater from Coatesville, PA, (I can see the same Pennsylvania flare in one of our own). His friends call him by such nicknames as Johnny, JWe, Tinkerbelle, Simba, Nicky, but to Wier skating fanatics he is simply known as a "Skating Diva". Let's take a look and see why trillions of fans are going "wacky for Weir".

Touching isn't it. It just makes you want to go out surfing with Patrick Swayze, catch the same wave, then moon him, and listen to him yell "GAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY" from the top of his lungs, doesn't it.

With speed skaters quaerelling and Bode failing to make it to the bar for his beer boost before his races, Weir looks like the he will still remain an "Olympic Diva" in the minds of his fans, despite his 5th place finish in Torino.

Note: Weir's comments after his error riddled performance in the free skate: “I missed the bus. They changed the schedule,” Weir said. “It was every 10 minutes. Today it was every half-hour. I was late getting here and never caught up. I never felt comfortable in this building. I didn’t feel my inner peace. I didn’t feel my aura. Inside I was black.”

Based on a suggestion from the Minster of M&T, I am introducing the Weekly Music Download or WMD post.  Every Thursday I will post about a new or overlooked artist and make one of their tracks available for download.  Ideally this will generate some discussion and comments - and I encourage anyone so inclined to post songs of their own (contact me or the M of M&T for nerdy posting instructions).  So without further ado, here's this week's post:

---------------------------------------------WMD---------------------------------------------

Dead Combo

Album: Self Titled (2005)

Download Track: Hey Dusty

The honorable Minister of IA will be pleased to learn that this is a very international band.  Hailing from Lisbon, Portugal, Dead Combo layers haunting lyrics on top of crunchy trebel-laden guitar and synth lines anchored by understated electronic precussion.  To get a idea of the overall effect, imagine watching "The Four Fingers Club" turned up way too loud with some "Jesus and Mary Chain" playing in the background... or just download the track.

---------------------------------------------WMD---------------------------------------------

Good Day fellow ministers!

Hope you are all flapjacking well. On the last Valentine's Day, as I promissed to all of my co-workers at Epiphany, I was sporting a sweet latino-lover-style moustache. It was very international and very proper for the ocasion..

Here is a link to the preview of the upcoming "A Scanner Darkly," an adaptation of the surreal novel by Philip K Dick.  The visualization of the movie is done in the same style as "A Waking Life" and looks like it should be good fare for even the casual stoner.  Fans of Woody Harelson and Winona Ryder, not so casual stoners I'm sure, will be glad to know that there favorite stars can survive in the half-animated world of film.

 Has anyone seen this?  It seems as though we have a little competition on our hands. Minister of   
Defence, what is the procedure to declare war on these posers in Virginia?

This has to be the most disturbing picture I have ever seen.  Can you imagine the conversation that took place between these two.  Just Googling Seagal is an adventure in itself.

Comments?

That is a pretty sweet commercial, but I would identify much more with a Larry Bird montage. So here it is in all it's run and gun, assist dealing, glory .

Did anyone see him pick-up his own rebound and put it in? Now's that's my kind of basketball.  Sorry John Stockton, there were no good videos of you on YouTube.

     I was inspired today by Michael Jordan's newest ad for his recently unveiled Jordan XXI.  The ad is a series of everyday people recreating some of Jordan's most memorable shots, dunks, plays and moments over the course of his brilliant career.  As I am not a computer wizard, i do not know how to post it on this site directly.  However, please go to www.jumpman23.com to view the commercial in its entirety.  The site will take a little while to load, as it is a very technical site.  Click on the top left image, then click on 'watch'.  Whether or not you have followed Jordan's career a lot or a little, the images that they recreate are unmistakeable.  Even the camera angles are right on par with their actual counterparts.  Fidel didn't get the ad at all, but I forgot he was French.

-Letters

It seems the Clooney trash-talking train hasn't boarded.  During the Golden Globes, he made a jab at Jack Abramoff, and during Clooney's recent appearance on Larry King made no apologies.  But what about Crowe, does Clooney think that their feud has been settled.  In an effort to stir the pot, here is a repost of Crowe's interview in GQ last year:

"I don't use my celebrity to make a living. I don't do ads for suits in Spain like George Clooney or  cigarettes in Japan like Harrison Ford. And on one level, people go: 'Well, more fault to you, mate, because there's free money to be handed out." "...to me it's kind of sacrilegious. It's a complete contradiction of the fucking social contract you have with your audience. I mean, Robert de Niro's advertising American Express."

Clooney's response to Crowe's comments:

"I'm glad he set us straight. Because Harrison, Bob and I were putting a band together called Grunting For 30 Feet, and that would also fall under the heading of 'bad use of celebrity'. Thanks for the heads up."

Now all we can do is sit and wait for Round 2, which should take place during the Oscars Sunday March 5th.

The Glide 
As a hip hop dancing enthusiast  I recently downloaded the  "it's like that "  video by non other than the infamous Run DMC. I was captivated by the hip hoppity break dance moves of the video but a small part really excited me! It's called the glide or many of you might also know it by it's street name the "slide". Anyhow I looked up the how too on this eye grabing, girl alluring dance manuever. I thought I would post the site of the instructions, the move is easy to learn but tough to master. but once we all perfect them I thought  we could tour the country serving  people, and I dont mean flapjacks! Have fun and remember "practice makes perfect" and "patience is a virtue"... "thats the way it is"

I don't know why I enjoy these pictures so much, maybe they remind me of old Disney cartoons, maybe its the blurring between human and computational processes, or maybe I'm just high.  Either way I think they are deserved of a post.  Link to trippy art.
[Boing Boing]

Our favorite number 2 to Arnold was sworn in as a reserve deputy.  While you won't have the luck of being pulled over by Louie, it's good to see he's still a media draw. 

The 2006 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition is out, but why go buy the magazine when you can checkout all the action right here.  Sharapova poses, now that's she's 18 it's legal, and has a particularly nice hiney.  Let the games begin!  I'm very aroused.

His name is Nikolay Valuev.  He's a 7 foot tall boxer out of russia.  He weighs 320 pounds.  This guy is rediculous.  When we are done rooting for our beloved United States Curling Squad, we should keep an eye out for this guy.  

i will break you.

-MOL

We all say were gonna do things and then don't, but I can honestly say this without apprehension, I will see this movie the day it comes out August 4, 2006, and hope you will join me - Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

You got me.  Whammy!  I've got flapjack on my face once again.  I guess I'll have to eat my hat...  From now on don't actually listen to anything I say, because it's all bullshit.  For this, I have no Defense.  Have Katy and I gotten in big fights, broken up, then reconciled before?  I...can't..remeber... 

Good Ministers (and Rabbi),

I roused up this morning with a thirst for knowledge, cake of pan Knowledge.  The more I read, and the more I learned, I realized that we all must master our pancakes - as we must master our lives.  So follow this link and read, recite and relish our Glorious History.  And remember: Tippety-Tippety-Tin, Give me a Pancake and I'll come in!

http://www.funsocialstudies.learninghaven.com/articles/pancake.htm

Good Flapjack,

The Minister of C. & R.

Stumbling along with the Minister of C+R to his girfriend's Friend's party, I didn't expect much.  My labored days at a computer typing endlessly, and a recoiled illness from the glorious weekend in SB with the established Ministers left me queasy.  But as a short, hot house party lead to a Hollywood bar my expectations for the night were quickly dwindling.  Crawling in the bar after a fifteen minute line, I ordered three shots and three brews.  Suddenly, I was Baumanned (up shit creek without a paddle.)  I had shots but no friends to give them to.  With the harpy suddenly approaching, I quickly dished them away, and preyed for better days.  I clung to the rail of the bar, I was wrecked.

We slunk to the deli across the street, not a deli, but an IHOP.  Yes ministers, we scouted a location in Hollywood for the greater good.  But what do we find, as we scramble for drinks at Barney's Beanery, but a befuddled Minister.  We all may remember some rebellious boasting of freedom, but where did it go?  Apparently someone thought they could delete a post from my site:

My name is Chris Baez Winkleman and you have been Winkleman'd.  Go home and eat your hat.  Agains.

*All text in brown was written in drunken stream of conciousness and does not make much sense, but to preserve the integrity of this site has been left in its entirety.

I don't remember much, and I blame the creamy blend of shrimp and crab which probably is still present somewhere in my belly.  But I do remember that there was a lot of support for IFS Vegas, March '06.  March meeting will bring us back to the traditional IFS cycle, with meeting taking place towards the end of the month.  I would like to ask the Minister of Wardrobe to inquire about his connection regarding the Bellagio suites.  If we can get these suites, I don't see any reason to delay the inevitable IFS Vegas journey.  So start saving, just in case.

The Minister of Auditory Pleasures and I have been collaborating on our new anthem.  All that remains is finding a vocal harmony to apply the words to the anthem of Azerbejan.  This should be ready by next meeting.

Congrats Minister of C&R on Member of the Month.

And I beleive there was a desire to cap membership and keep IFS where it's at for  a while.

If I am missing any key elements of our most recent business, please add as you see fit.

- shake, shake, shake, (oh shit, there's people around . ..)  eyes.

And with that blue bandanna, I bet he's a gangbanger. 

The pinnacle of athletic achievement, besides the Super Bowl, World Series, and anything Kobe touches, the Olympics used to inspire me as a kid.  I barely watched the Summer Olympics 2004, as running, swimming, and cycling never surprise me anymore.  The problem lies with a continual lack of character build-up.  Much hype is given to the games and countries, but since the Dan vs Dave advertising blunder pre-qualifying round hype has disappeared. 

In order to recapture my childhood awe, and hopefully that of the Ministers and Rabbi, I give to you the 2006 Men's American Curling Team:

(From left to right: John Shuster, Joseph Polo, Pete Fenson, Scott Baird, Shawn Rojeski)

Now we have someone to root for, and you don't need to know their real backstorys because their resemblance to every boy band, the chubby/ sensitive one, the dark/ mysterious one, the young/ rebellious one, the old/ responsible one, and the smart/ financially sound one, allows for endless new nicknames and insight into their strengths and weaknesses on the ice.  The financially sound one was worried about his taxes, and that's why he didn't sweep the ice correctly, or the group's picking on the chubby one for not adhering to the enforced diet and exercise regimen.  The possibilities are endless.

For anyone who is unfamiliar with the sport of curling, here are the basic rules/guidelines to a curling match:

"Curling is a team sport, with a team, or rink, made up of four players headed by a "skip." The skip, usually the fourth person to play, directs team members as to the kind of shot wanted, the path it should take, the amount of spin and force that should go into it, and so on.

Each player delivers two stones, alternately with an opponent. The delivery is similar to that used in bowling; the "sweeping score" represents the foul line. A player is assisted by teammates, who use their brooms to sweep ice dust, snow, and moisture from in front of the delivered stone, as it moves, to help guide it.

The basic purpose is to get a stone as close to the tee as possible. However, many types of strategic shots are also used, to knock an opponent's stone out of position, to guard a teammate's scoring stone, or to knock a teammate's stone into better position.

When all 16 stones have been thrown, an "end" has been completed. Only one team can score on each end: the team that has a stone lying nearest to the tee. The team gets 1 point for each stone that is nearer to the tee than any of the opposition's stones. In order to count, a stone must be at least partly within the house.

Play then continues from the other end. A game is usually made up of 10 complete ends; sometimes, however, the first team to get 21 points is the winner."

(via Hickoksports.com)

Here is a link to the official schedule of the 2006 Winter Olympic Games in Torino. (pdf)

With ten days of curling fast approaching, set your tivo, the energy will be crazy!

Certainly the Minister of Auditory Pleasures could handle this, but here is a link to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs new single Gold Lion.  If he was so inclined, he could also follow this with other links to mp3s for the fellow Ministers (and Australian Rabbi) to listen to during those dreary days slaving away in front of a desk.  Whether at a computer desk, school desk, dining table or jeans rack, music can make the day fly by.

First off I'd like to congratulate everyone on an amazing weekend. Neato Gang! I’d also like to recognize the Minister of C and R for being voted member of the month. If you haven’t seen this already, I’d like to point everyone towards a website which contains all the Super Bowl XL commercials.

Tired of seeing my own face everytime I load this page, I had to post today; just kidding of course I want to see my face everytime I load this page, powerrrr!!

Anyways, check out this trailer for Jack Black's post-monkey movie at AICN, Nacho Libre.  Glad to see he has gone back to the basics, but will it hold up to the ridiculous standards set by everyone's favorite crime-stopping/alien-fighting Mexican wrestler Santos?

Speaking of Mexico, take a look at these shots of Mexico City, almost makes you want to go visit until you remember that it is in Mexico.

Happy Birthday Bunchy!!

This is as real as it gets:

For those Ministers not yet in the working world, you’ll understand soon enough. I sit all day long filling out TPS reports dreaming of the next time we can all gather like men, together, and go to such excess it takes nearly 3 weeks to fully recover. I sit at my desk and drift off to past flapjack memories, plan a new post, browse the archives on the website and send countless emails to fellow ministers, hoping for a speedy reply. I need this man, I need this!

So I’m making a post to tell everyone how pumped I really am, and seeing as how this meeting coincides with Super Bowl Sunday, I think this will be one for the books. I hope everyone is prepared to bring it, because I’ll do my part. If things go right this weekend I might be showing everyone my O-face. Oh! Oh! You know, Oh!

Fricker’s Flapjack Fact:World's Largest Pancake Breakfast
In 1986, an event that bills itself as the World's Largest Pancake Breakfast was revived for the 350th anniversary of Springfield, Massachusetts. The breakfast has been held every year since then. Hundreds of volunteers help with the event. In 1999, more than 71,233 servings of pancakes were served to more than 40,000 people. If you stacked up all those pancakes, they'd be more than 2 miles high! (Sounds like an epic IFS field trip)