July 2006 Archives

Remember when you all laughed at me when i said there was a lot of potential for a movie based around a Costco-like superstore??  Well it looks like the most popular comedian in the country and I are on the same wavelength.  Cram this up your cramhole!  There's a reason why i am known to many as "The Voice of Reason."

http://www.employeeofthemonthfilm.com/

Bottle of Jagermeister:  $25
  
 

Ice Luge:  $35 

Ruined Lacoste polo shirt:  $72
 

Lost cell phone:  $300

Blacking out before the sun goes down, pissing off Esteban Tadeo and Kevin Misojan almost to the point of physical violence, making a complete and utter ass of myself, waking up alone on a cold hardwood floor with a possibly fractured right arm and no memory of what I had said or done in the past 14 hours:  Priceless

My parents were sitting around tonight and have decided instead of having all of you get a hotel room for Saturday night in Hershey and spending more money, they will instead leave the house to their son, the Minister of Trade for Saturday evening so that the respectable I.F.S. clan could take up all the slumber space available in the house.  My parents will be purchasing their own hotel room to escape from us, as long as we keep the house in one piece and they can recognize it in the morning.  So, that means we will have sleeping space for everyone that will be coming, let's just thank Jane and Jack upon your arrival, because after all.. they are some of the coolest parents on the planet..  see you all soon brothers..

Trade

To get in the right mood for the Manhattan Beach extravaganza, may I suggest a Saturday morning screening of Miami Vice.  It plays at 11:30am in Santa Monica, so you Santa Barbara monks could make it on the way down.  The OC monks will be there.  We should all be there.  My mom, The Ice Queen herself, will be there in all her glory.  Come feel her chilling presence on a hot summer day.  She is the woman who said that if she cancelled her trip to Indonesia just a few days after the bombings, then "the terrorists win."  Fuck yeah, a true Baumann.  Then we call all get really, really, really drunk all day and night and try to forget the pain and loneliness.  HOOORAAYYY!!!

Well it's true, Esteban and Mike have officially purchased their tickets, add two more members to IFS: The Exodus. We must thank orbitz, who made this all possible for offering the round trip for a smidge over 250 duckets a piece. Sure we leave LAX on thursday August 31 at 6 in the am, and arrive in PHI at 4:47, and have equally as early of a departure from PHI on Sept. 4th 6:10 am, but that is neither here or there. We will be there Jordan, and we'll figure out how to get to and from airports when we're at the east coast. It's called the Exodus, we do it every once in a while.

What's the status on your Phili tickets?  Jordan needs this info. to plan the trip. 

-Rousing

Hershey's chocolate, Hershey's chocolate, It's a Hershey's Chocolate world.  Wherever you go, no matter how far, you're always near a Hershey's Bar.  Hershey's chocolate, real milk chocolate, HERSHEY'S...  The great American Chocolate Bar.  Come with me, and you'll be, in a world of pure imagination.  Thats right brothers, the time is swiftly approaching and some tentative planning has been put on the table for us to discuss.  It seems as though some of our fellow ministers have gotten the ball rolling and have purchased their airfare to the land of Hershey kiss street lamps (pictured), to the land of the Calder Cup Champion Hershey Bears (yeah I know I'm the only one that cares about AHL hockey), to the land of Hersheypark, to land of Chocolate World, to the land that was built on chocolate thanks to our town's most beloved humanitarian, philanthropist, and chocolatier, Milton Snavely Hershey.  Milton S. Hershey was a rags to riches story that began with a failed caramel company in Lancaster, Pennsylvania that he abandoned in 1900 to focus on chocolate.  He built the Hershey Chocolate Factory in 1903 and it thrived right on through the depression into today and around it arose one of the finest towns in the country.  But let's not get ahead of ourselves yet, before we pay visit to the town built on chocolate, we must first conquer the Illadelph.  How fitting it is, in this unfamiliar state of our society, that we will gather soon in the City of Brotherly Love.  Baumann and Curtis have taken the initiative and have booked flights out of LAX into Philadelphia International (PHL) on the red-eye flight to arrive in the Illadelph early on Thursday, August 31.  Their flights costed a little over 300 Washingtons.  So, the plan is to try and get everyone into Philadelphia on Thursday, August 31.  There is a Regional Railway that runs from the Airport Terminal to Center City Philadelphia.  The R1 train makes a stop at each of the terminals and for $5.50 will take you to the 30th St. Station in Center City Philadelphia.  Here is the weekday schedule for that train that runs roughly every half hour. Septa Railway Schedule  Those numbers on the schedule my friends are not fares, but times of arrival.  So, before you leave for your trip, print out this schedule and when you get off your plane, figure out which terminal you've arrived at, and find the next train leaving your terminal and get off at 30th Street Station.  I will be arriving by train as well either Wednesday evening or early Thursday morning and the train I will be on does not go by the airport so this is why I will be meeting you at the 30th Street Station.

On Friday, September 1, we will all be eating Cheesteaks in Ashburn Alley (the concession area out in right and center field) and enjoying numerous tasty beverages before treating ourselves to a Phillies vs. Braves match-up at beautiful Citizens Bank Park.  First pitch is at 7:05pm.  Tickets will run probably around 20-35 dollars, but I will check into discounted group tickets.  After the game, we will be reeking havoc all over the local watering holes until they shut us down at 2.... but hey, at least you can smoke in the bars.  Accomodations will be discussed later as we set on exact numbers and flights are aligned.  On Saturday, we will all hop on the subway back to the 30th St. Station and head for Chocolatetown.  Since you all will have paid a lot for your plane flights, I will be more than happy to pick up the slack for your Amrak ride back to Hershey.  It will only cost me 13-18 dollars a person, so believe me, you have nobody to thank but yourselves for the commitment of getting yourself out here.  We need to get a good early start on Saturday so that we can make it to Hershey at a decent time so we will have 2 full days there before you're returning flights.. sleep off your hangover on the train (train ride = 1hr 20 min).  Saturday I will be more than happy to take you all around the small, but quaint little town of Hershey, Pennsylvania so all of you can see where I became a man.  I can show you the chocolate factory, the Reese's plant, Chocolate World, Hersheypark, Hershey High School, Hersheypark Stadium, Hotel Hershey, The Hershey Gardens, The Hershey Trust, The Hershey Mansion, the Hershey Kiss streetlights, the Hershey Trolley, and the Hershey dive bars all in span of one half hour, and that is not a joke.  Saturday night we will either hit up a local bar in Hershey, or if we have enough energy and car support (don't know how many of my buddys will be in town that weekend) we can make it into downtown Harrisburg to the bars for an evening.  Sunday I was thinking perhaps a flapjack breakfast is in order.  I have a few Hersheypark tickets laying around and can continue to ask around for free ones as well if you all are interested in doing that on Sunday.  Hersheypark is our local amusement park and the main attraction to the tourist town I call home.  Whether you want to take a ride on the Sooper-Dooper-Looper (one of the first looped roller coasters on the East Coast),  or our recent additions the Great Bear, or the Storm Runner (goes from 0-72mph in 2 seconds), or even hop on some good old fashioned bumper cars, than this might be our Sunday afternoon/evening excursion.  If Hersheypark sounds like something you want to do, comment ASAP so I can ask around to my friends to get us more free passes.  My Dad can get discounted tickets, but they are charging some godawful 40 some dollars a piece for these things now.  I know I have at least 5 here already and can work on the other ones.  I figure if this is what we want to do, then however many tickets we are short we can all pitch in and it will be much less than 40 dollars.  Look around at the Hersheypark website at all the killer rides before you let me know if you are interested.Hersheypark If we are strapped for cash by the time we get into Hershey, fear not my friends.  Jack (my dad) will enjoy grilling and drinking with all of the I.F.S. brothers once again.  Monday we will take all you guys to the Philadelphia Airport for your flights home.  Hopefully, since you get 3 hours back flying back back to Cali Cali, you will be able to find some sort of flight leaving Philadelphia in the afternoon so that after all of our fun we can get you to the airport on time and in plenty of time.  Let me know what you think..  and Good Flapjack   

Check out how sweet the Great Bear looks at night

        Gentlemen, hard times have fallen upon our beloved organization.  I feel there has been a significant lack of enthusiasm for IFS.  I know this is a time of uncertainly for many of us.  We are all in the midst of the post college transition into full blown adulthood; many of us don't know where we are going or what we will be doing in the coming years; and some of us are licking our wounds from recently ended relationships.  Well, gentlemen, times like this are exactly why we need IFS.  For me, personally, this is the time when I need you guys more than ever.  I quit my plush and secure job that I had for the better part of the last year.  I no longer have the girlfriend that I moved to Los Angeles to be with.  I have no idea what I will do when I finish school in September.  This is the time when I need to know that I have our organization, our brotherhood, for support.  I know I can be a bit of a brute at times, and I talk my fair share of shit, but in spite of that I want you guys to know that you are not just my old college buddies; you are the most important people in my life.  I've never been very close with my family, so understand that IFS is very important to me, and I want of us to do well and share that with each other.
        With that being said, just as many of us are going through a transition, our organization is going through one as well.  With members spreading throughout the county and even the world, and with the additional commitments that come along with no longer being a piece of drunken college shit, meeting every month is no longer feasible.  As it stands now we are on route to start meeting quarterly.  I think this will better fit our schedules, and it will be easier to withstand the devastating blow that is an IFS weekend binder.  Now, as I mentioned earlier, things bring up the problem of enthusiasm and having enough of it to bridge the gap of three months between meetings.  The only way to solve this problem, as I see it, is for each meeting to have three times the strength of a  monthly meeting.  This is why we need to buy our tickets to Hershey, PA.  Now, I've been privy to some closed door whisperings about flying Jordan to California instead of spending the five thousand dollars it would take to fly us all to him, but this is not an option.  Two months ago we agreed to do this, and nothing has changed between now and then.  I have heard rumors of some members saying they won't go.  Well, this trip will show who is really in IFS for the long haul, and who is a bitch.  Dane and Fidel, I'm talking to you.  Jordan is one of our strongest members, and we all looked him in the eye and promised to come across the country to his hometown, where his family welcomes all of us with open arms.  And we can tour the factory where the best chocolate in the world is made.  It will be truly great.
       One member who has a valid excuse to not make it to Hershey is John Converse.  It is with sadness and congragualtions that we will bid him farewell at his going away party on July 29th.  We should all be there.  We need to come together to both see him off and also give Josh Strauss a proper welcome home, complete with a Jagermeister ice luge that will provide the first drinks for me and Curtis to end our Month of Clean Living.  Dane and Fidel, this will be the last time you get to see Converse before he leaves the country for years.  It will be a slap in the face to all of us if either of you are not there.

Gentlemen, the time is now.

Scott Lawrence Baumann, Minister of Defense

There is no need for a description of this clip, but I'll give it a shot. 

Watch the Hoff as he externalizes the everyday struggle that rages inside all of us in Jekyll & Hyde : The Musical.

The one, the only, Chris Baez.

Bunch, if you put Baez's face from this picture on a t-shirt, I will buy it.

Finding a job in an area that interests you can be hard, and working eight hours a day at something you hate is depressing.  Seeing someone doing what they love for a living is inspiring...

Minister of Letters you need to get the Orange Beast back so we can try these tricks out.

With the Rabbi of Leisure back from his culinary training/Australian adventure, good food has been abound.  His recent attempt at quality Mac n' Cheese puts Kraft to shame.  Supposedly a restaurant recently opened in NY with the same intention.  Here's the menu that I will be pointing the Rabbi to for future Mac + Cheese nights.

Let's keep this gravy train rolling this morning.  The next movie from Broken Lizard, the guys who did Super Troopers, Club Dread, and some movie called Puddle Cruiser (not sure if I want to see it) are back with Beerfest, coming August 25th.  The movie is about Germany, Oktoberfest, and boozing so it must be good.  With the Minister of Revelry + Spirits soon departing to Deutschland this movie could not be coming out at a better time.  No trailer yet, but it must be coming soon.  Till then get your wallpapers and buddy icons and tag em as a MySpace friend if you're into that sort of thing.

The Hoff puts on his pants both legs at a time, so that he can make music videos with the time he saves everyday.

Ok.  Here it is.  The real Rocky VI Trailer is here.  Now we just have to wait 6 months for his fight with the Mason Dixon line.  Fuckin' Sly.

If you can't wait for the numerous marathons of Rocky that will be showing on TBS in the coming months, the 5 disc Rocky set is less than $50 at Amazon.  You'll have to wait for the Rocky toys though, those don't come out till August.

Now if only we had a computer that could show us the outcome of Sylvester Stallone v. David Hasselhoff.

Hope everyone who is travelling around the world and making the I in I.F.S. mean something are safe and sound.  Everyone else enjoy an amazing pair of jugs.

Also, did anyone ever hear of this movie - Blackballed? It looks pretty funny, but only has a 50% on RT.  Guess we'll find out when it comes out on DVD in a couple of weeks.

When you spend a drunken night listening to Hasselhoff's Greatest Hits, something inside you changes, permanently.  You may find yourself singing his ditties before taking free throw shots, or kissing his portrait for good luck every morning, either way the inescapable bond will persist for the rest of your life.

So when he goes on a bender a week after arm surgery, it makes you want to go on a bender too.  Unfortunately my benders occur in the sparse stretch of land between Orange County and Santa Barbara, while he gets to put on a show for the attending masses at Wimbledon.

Oh, and the Hoff is out as Hook so that he may continue judging America's Got Talent.

Publishers Clearing House purchase Blingo, a search engine, and has since been giving away prizes every month.  You don't have to sign-up to win, you will just have to put your info in if you do get the prize screen, but the more friends you are connected with the more spillover winning occurs.  I signed up and will let you know when I win.  Click the button below if you want to ride my coattails as I win:

Summer has bitch-slapped me back to my normal face-sweating ways, and in most situations my t-shirt becomes my only means of dispersing the summertime mist from my face.  And since I haven't spent a minute working on the store, summer has stolen my enthusiasm for I.F.S., I bring you other sites that sell shirts.

Shirts for Cool People

Shirts for People Who Like One-Liners and Movie Quotes

Shirts for Nerds

Shirts for DIY Nerds

Shirts for DIY Designers

Shirts for Rednecks

Shirts for Time Travelers

And finally for those who have never worked in retail and don't like hangers, How to Fold A Shirt

Check out a single from my brother's old roomate's band, Academy of Chess & Checkers, now with video:

For more music from AOCAC check out their website here, or their myspace page if you are afraid of web properties that aren't controlled my a major media conglomerate.

Least we know he's alive.

And last but certainly not least, David Hasselhoff had emergency surgery after severing a tendon in his right arm when he accidentally rammed his head into a chandelier -- resulting in a hail of glass -- in a London gym bathroom. Fans of the "Baywatch" star can rest easy, as he is now out of the hospital and -- we hope -- back to planning that self-penned, self-named "David Hasselhoff Musical."

David, you're in our prayers...