November 2006 Archives

Happy Turkey Day gentlemen.  I hope everyone's families are happy and healthy, as this is the day for giving thanks for such things.  I myself am thankful for the strength and resilience our brotherhood that has been built upon a foundation of pancakes, Budweiser and the common interest we all share in both Arnold Schwarzenegger and the glorious nation of Azerbaijan.  I am thankful for the Strauss family, who, in spite of their Jewishness, have invited the unrefined small town folk that make up the Baumann clan to join them for a Thanksgiving feast.  And I am thankful for Daniel Craig and Mick Jagger, who were the inspiration behind what I did last night.  You see, I got a last minute invitation from an associate of mine to go to the Rolling Stones show at Dodger Stadium.  Upon finding our seats, I realized that we were at the very top of the bleachers, about one thousand miles away from the stage.  After some internal debate over what to do about this, I put on my tuxedo, tied my bow-tie and screwed the silencer onto my pistol.  And some serious 007 shit went down.  My associate, that guy Tom who lives in Santa Barbara and has the cute girlfriend, and I spent the first five songs of the set sneaking by various means through about a dozen or so different security checks.  There was running, jumping, diving, crawling, and, when all else failed, charming our way past big fat black female security guards.  The shining moment came when we simply walked through the security check to the box seats and the guards came running after us.  We caught up to a dignified looking group of corporate yuppie types, and I asked their leader to tell the security guards that we were with him.  He did, then he looked me in the eye and said, "Don't make me regret this."  I held eye contact with him and responded, "You won't.  I promise."  And we sprinted on.  A few jumps and crawls and one mile long supply corridor later and we were there, in the very very very front row at Dodger Stadium, about ten feet away from Mick in all his 62 year old glory.  It was great.

What are you thankful for?

-Minister of Defense-

Mark your calendars fellow ministers and rabbi, for the future of I.F.S. may be reaching new heights.  According to the International Olympic Committee, the composers of the beautiful tune that is our anthem is to bid on the Summer Olympic Games for 2016.  That's right, Azerbaijan's capital city of Baku will place a bid for the 2016 summer games and everytime Azerbaijan wins gold, we can all celebrate by drinking Adolphi and singing our anthem.  Wouldn't it be glorious?  By The Cake Of Pannnnnnyyaaahhh..  See you at Azerbaijam!  Azerbaijan 2016

As many ministers may be aware, our beloved MOD has been unemployed for a short span of time.  Being the brother I am, I assisted the MOD in getting a job at my company, Airborne 1. Baumann will be a field operation specialist where he will be involved with collection of Airborne Laser Data, in other words he will be shooting a laser from a plane to make maps.  Scott will also probably recieve a company flight suit (with eagle logo), a pair of company aviator sunglasses and company moustache comb.

The following is the company wide email permanantly attaching our two names.  Is the MOM shooting himself in the foot with a laser on this one? Only time will tell... Make us proud MOD.

Everyone-

We have a new member joining our Field Operations Specialist team on November 30^th. His name is Scott Baumann, and he is a friend of our QAQC Analyst, Andrew Fricker.  Andrew and Scott attended the University of California   Santa Barbara together. 

Scott received his BA in Environmental Studies in 2005, with emphasis in Architecture and Geography.  Scott’s employment history has been primarily in video camera work and video editing.

Scott will replace Kevin Bickmore, who is migrating to our Data Processing team.

Welcome, Scott!

 

Chief Operating Officer

 Airborne 1 Corporation

 

As a founding father, there is a responsibility to instill the values of I.F.S. to all ministers that come later in membership.  The title of founding father is not as significant however, as the time spent as a minister.  As all founding fathers, have been a part of I.F.S. for two years now, we should know what to do to maintain our great society.  One of these duties includes posting, which goes along with wearing the brown + white shirts, and gold ties.  It isn't hard, but it gets harder the longer you go without doing it.  Every minister should be able to find the 5-10 mins. a month to make a post, or comment a couple times, and almost everyone does.

Without a post since August, or a Comment since September, you are seriously lagging behind MOF.  And oh my god, would you look at that, it's been exactly a year to the day since the last time I had to resort to calling you out in a post.

So for you Monkey of Finance, I thought I would make it easier on you by having Google translate the site for you.  And with this Bud Smack Talk thing, a post is just an uploaded picture and a sentence away.

See here I just did another one.

oh sprammy!! yesterday i completed TWO YEARS in america! it's my personal anniversary jam! cheers to everyone and have a good laser.

I know, I know, it's been done.  But I couldn't resist another spray jam session.  Enjoy:

http://www.budsmack.com/card/rnjcXPz22Xg6b6siL1rBEW.

-The Minister of Rousing

I think I've posted on something similar to this, but this is better.  Head over here to make your own Southpark character.  Once you are done, hit Print Screen and paste it into Photoshop or Paint to save it.
[via Lifehacker]

http://www.budsmack.com/card/0Vg463b22Xg.yzbuJVWPGG.

-anonymous

Adolphus is my life.

In tonight's top stories...

Check this one out.

http://www.budsmack.com/card/6h7Z4En12XgRBksiL1rBEW.

This thing is both creepy and sweet.

Fast Drinker - video powered by Metacafe

Guest WMD (M+T)

Artist: Tom Waits Label: ANTI- Album: Orphans Download: Road to Peace The Minister of Auditory Pleasures is probably busy with school, so I thought I would make a post for him.  Tom Waits is new to me, but has been around for awhile.  His new album titled Orphans is a 3-disc set that will be released on the 21st of November.  Enjoy the tunes courtesy of his label's site.  Many of his other songs aren't as politically charged, but this is all I could find from his new album. Don't you know there ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk. -Tom Waits, "Heartattack and Vine"

Southpark's 10th Season ends tonight with an episode titled "Stanley's Cup".  Read below for a synopsis:

"Stan Marsh has hit rock bottom. He's got no job, no bicycle and his only way out of a bad situation, is to coach the local pee wee hockey team. Once a hotshot pee wee hockey player himself, Stan Marsh has tried to put those days behind him. But he's still living with the memory of how let his team down when he missed the winning shot in the big game. Now, he's about to find out that being a coach means facing your past. He's determined to show his kids what it's like to be a winner!"

Season 11 will start March 7th, 2007 so enjoy tonight's episode.  Or you can watch it here.

Screw you guys I'm going to Darkon...

I don't know if this one needs any setup, just turn up your speakers, and proceed here.

We need more efficiency.  The blog serves its purpose but I am confused on the gmail account.  Is this something that we use just for inter-member communication?  I just think we need to define what each platform should be used for; otherwise the sweet gmail account will be obsolete.  How about a member is designated the task of highlighting the main points of each meeting and has to forward those points on to each member via the gmail account?

Have you guys voted on Bangers as a new member yet?  I think it is something that should be discussed.

Miss you brothers.  Oh yeah Big Chin how is the LA LA land treating you?

One only has to look at the Archives page to see how far we've come on this site.  With sixteen months of posts the site has become something far greater than me just hacking away on the old computer box - it is a forum for each minister to update everyone in our esteemed society with what they think is important, and for us to keep in touch. 

Some ministers don't post as often as others, they know who they are, and that's fine.  I'm sure those ministers bring plenty of other things to the table.  But every post counts, even if it doesn't get comments, you can say you tried to bring something to the table.

We will be coming up on our renewal period for Typepad, which is $150 a yr., and I have talked to other ministers and will not be moving the site over to a more open / cheaper solution because we would be risking what has taken so long to build.  I would be happy to pay for the site ahead of time, but like everything we do the costs should be shared - $8 a minister.

I've asked this question before, but I must ask again - Does anyone have anything they would like to see on the site?   I am open to suggestions.  I was thinking of moving off of the two sidebars on each side look onto a single larger sidebar on the right side.  What does everyone think?

- M+T

On a lighter note:

 Dons end the season with a win

VENTURA -- Santa Barbara avoided a winless season by defeating Buena 20-7 in a Channel League football game Thursday night at Buena. "We billed it as the beginning of our 2007 season and we also wanted to send off the season with a victory," said Gonzales, who was showered in Gatorade by his players following the victory. "When you're winning a lot, you forget how precious victories are." The Dons (1-9, 1-4 league). -Santa Barbara News Press

Now these parents can shut up, the gang wars can stop, and the Israelis and Palestinians can come to a cease fire for now:

As Santa Barbara and San Marcos high school football players hurled their bodies at one another at last Friday’s homecoming game held at Peabody Stadium, rival gang members marked the occasion by engaging in multiple brawls near, on, or around the Santa Barbara High School campus. One incident left the victim with head injuries requiring hospitalization. “It’s constant retaliation,” explained Santa Barbara Police Lt. Paul McCaffrey. “It’s getting to be like the Israelis and the Palestinians.” Santa Barbara High School principal Paul Turnbull stressed that the violence was gang-related and not directly connected to the game. But last Friday’s game was the first in which Turnbull had ordered the stands videotaped to ensure parents and football boosters did not get out of hand. Two parents have been banned from campus for threatening Santa Barbara High football coach Will Gonzales. Some parents have complained that Gonzales – struggling with a winless season – has been rude and abusive to the players. -Santa Barbara Independent

-Once a Don, Always a Don

This became too long to post in the comments so here it is:

For one, I like the recent 'grown up' discussions that we have been having on this site. We have all become wise beyond our years. Two, I agree with Curtis. I equate the anti-US/antiwar citizens of this country with a rebellious teenage child (middle class family for example sake). When that child was young, everything was provided for him by his parents (the government), food, shelter, a backyard to play in, schooling, personal freedom as long as he did his chores (a job, except for Baumann, in which case these still mean house chores), protection from bullies, etc., with no expectation of repayment, only the hopes that he will be a good child and eventually grow up one day to be happy and successful in his own right (have love for his country, respect where he came from, and promote self/national development). However, to his parents dismay, as a teenager, this child prematurely deems himself all knowledgeable and rebukes his loving parents who fostered his development and urged him to be an individual. He forgets that he was given everything, that without his parent's protection, food on the table, and the safety of the home that they have worked so hard to provide, that he would be on his own as a mere child, no home, no protection from GPS wearing sex offenders (terrorists and (butt) pirates), no source of love and encouragement that helps to mold youth, the next generation of future leaders. Although he becomes a thorn in their side, acts up in school, and makes mistakes (makes anti-US remarks, denounces his patriotism for such a 'horrid' country), his parents still provide for him until he can sustain himself. They do this because even though he has become a detriment to their daily lives (US critics living in this country), they love him, believe in him, and once made mistakes themselves.

My point is not to say that one cannot criticize the government, but rather that like our parents, the government has made mistakes but is still trying to do its best to keep this country together and provide a safe place for its citizens. And yes, like the article says, promoting peace sometimes means going to war. These people that sit there and try to undermine everything that the government does are not making feasible suggestions to act upon in the future, rather they are just promoting the problem by pointing the finger and causing a distraction to those in positions to make decisions, wasting time. I think that we've all heard someone say, 'If the government does this or that then I'm moving to Canada'. To this my response is, start fucking packing you communist. If you can't stand living here then leave. But do they, no. And one of the people that I've heard this from is my brother, so don't think that I'm not serious about this, even if my own blood says this, see you on the bike path. They continue to bitch all the while enjoying the freedoms and the type of life that this country provides, a life that is better than that of 95% of the worlds population (no lie, I read this in an article). Be critical, but don't be hypocritical and make outlandish statements just to cause a stir and waste my time and the US's time, cause as long as you're within these borders then we're all in this together. There are people abroad fighting, some not cause they want to, but because it was a necessity (ROTC to pay for college, no other job options, whatever) while some stand on a soap box and preach anti-US sentiments from within these borders. For fuck's sake, all these soldiers ask is for us to support them, not the war, them, and some people are too busy staging antiwar rallies to stage a pro-soldier rally to show our support of a job that most would never want. Grow a pair and save it 'till there is an attack on the US, oh wait, there was and it was the worst act of terrorism in history, don't forget it.

...and seeing my brother, the Minister of Revelry and Spirits, London's underground bunkers - where Churchill strategized as the Luftwaffe bombed above, and the Fuherbunker - where Hitler poisoned/shot himself as Soviet troops marched above.  But while I'm there, I'll be missing the States.  Here's an article I read earlier today that any man who wields a Pakistani made jack knife with an eagle/the stars and bars handle, would enjoy:

http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=MzY3ODNhZTJhZTI0NjU0MGQ1NGZkMzA4YzI2ZjJiZDk=

Sincerely,

The Minister of Rousing

With the Time Child saga over, the Otters have been put in there place.

Bored at work, want to make a crank call to the past, watch the full Southpark episode here.

Want to know what the hell the episode was parodying - check out this Buck Rogers page (it's almost as funny as the actual episode).

We need to rent the series' DVDs, Netflix this the next time I am in SB Mesa House, so that I can watch it and eat things off of my tummy.  (Also can you pick up a Nintendo Wii and Zelda, THANKS!!!).

Check out the first minute of the Aqua Teen Hungerforce movie coming in 2007.

Or the Mooninites Soundboard, click Continue Reading.

Or Check out the latest episode over at adultswim.com.

Well we all knew this day would come, Britney + K-Fed are getting divorced, but who thought it would be on election day?  It must have been his undersold shows and hissy fits.  The publicist wizards are toiling the day away, and lets hope for their sakes that they have a chance to vote today.  Everyone in Santa Barbara should keep their eyes peeled, as a Britney rebound is gonna hit hard, like a 6 AM hangover on a Sunday kind of hard, and we are all waiting to be next trophy husband / his posse, or a one night stand, right?  She's been hitting the gym pretty hard to shake the baby belly pounds.

Click here to read the CNN story taken from the TMZ tabloids.

Defense you should be learning how to throw that American flag knife so that you can protect us from these confusing Propositions, and kill bears.

As Minister of Defense and unofficial representative of all things American, I have taken in upon myself to give recommendations on the propositions that are on the ballot tomorrow in our glorious Golden State.  Here it goes:

YES on 1A through 1E - These are infrastructure bonds supported by our beloved governor.  Building through bonds, not taxes.  It's a good thing.

NO on 83 - It's easy to support punishing child molesters, but this is not the right way to do it.  This proposition would increase geographic restrictions on where sex offenders can live (not within 2000 feet of a school, for example) and require them to wear tracking devices for life.  I think these methods would not be adequately successful.  Statistically, where a child molester lives has no bearing on whether or not he will be a repeat offender, and the sex offenders themselves would be responsible for for charging the batteries of their GPS tracking devices.  A more cost effective and successful method of preventing repeat offenses that is currently on a voluntary basis in the California state prison system is castration.  Make it mandatory.  If you rape a 10 year old girl, you lose your balls.  You won't do it again.

YES on 84 - A $5.4 billion water protection and pollution clean up bond.  Hard to argue against it.  There is a lot of money being spent in a lot of ways here, and some of it might not be in the most efficient of ways, but overall it's a good and necessary thing.

NO on 85 - Some of us know all too well the hassles that come along with impregnating a teenage girl.  Let's not make it anymore difficult to deal with.  Proposition 85 requires requires parental notification for minors getting an abortion.  Some things are best left a secret.

YES on 86 - Imposes a $2.60 tax increase on a pack of cigarettes.  Now I love a bummed grit as much as the next guy, but we all pay, through health insurance and government funded health care, for people who decide to kill themselves with tobacco.  Bernie and Bunch, if you guys keep smoking as much as you do, you will both die of lung cancer.  We don't want that to happen.  And if you really want to kill yourself, I loaded one shell in the Defender in Nova's room before I left Santa Barbara.

YES on 87 - A complex proposition that taxes gasoline to fund alternative energy.  Although probably overly bureaucratic, any step in this direction is a good one.  As Bill Clinton said about the use of ethanol fuel, "If Brazil can do it, so can California."  Well Goddammit, there is nothing Brazil can do that we can't.

NO on 88 - Imposes a $50 tax per piece of privately held land to fund education.  This is yet another way for the poor to rape the rich of their hard earned money.  If you vote for this you are a fucking Communist.

NO on 89 - Taxes California businesses to fund political campaigns.  Campaign finance reform is necessary, but it should not come at the expense of already heavily taxed California businesses.

NO on 90 - Makes it more expensive and difficult for the state of California to exercise eminent domain, which is a necessary tool for building infrastructure.  Most people don't understand what this proposition is.  It would basically require the state to pay way more than land is worth to the owner, and the kind of land that is usually subject to this type of thing is not your grandma's house but corporate owned agriculture land and that sort of thing.  It's a proposition that is designed to make money off of voter ignorance.

So there it is lab rats.  Get out there and vote tomorrow, or I will cut you with my Pakistani-made-American-flag-lock-blade-knife.

Good night and good luck,

Minster of Defense

Going to see the movie in a few minutes, but couldn't resist posting this before tomorrow.

If wine is too fancy and decadent for your palette, check out the history of beer over at YouTube.

(Saving Christmas 2005)     

    O.k. so as you guys might realize there is a lot of work that goes into the IFS Philanthropy department. I mean there is endless research and phone calls to narrow down a group, organization, or person in need. I sometimes find myself not being able to sleep at night wrestling with the decision I am faced with. Picking a single entity would mean leaving out the many others in need of our help. Of course this burden is miniscule compared to the hardships these underprivileged men, women and children face everyday.
    So I am sure by now one can understand why it has taken so long to get another Philanthropy project underway (hint of sarcasm. I get it I’ve been slacking).  I must say that although "Saving Christmas" was a big deal last year we have surpassed it in 2006! So without further ado I am proud to announce IFS has sponsored a child from the Dominican Republic. I know one might be asking themselves, what about the many homeless and needy we have in our beloved Santa Barbara?
    In reply I point out a couple reasons for not sponsoring someone in good ol’ S.B, First I would ask to keep in mind that we are the International Flapjack Society and our goodwill must also be international. Secondly the Homeless in S.B don’t have the hardships that people in underdeveloped countries have. I am not even entirely sure that all the homeless in Santa Barbara are homeless. I added a picture to illustrate this second point. After much research I found it is less expensive to sponsor a child from a third world country then in America.
    I mean we want to do something that will make us feel good and if we could feel good at a lower price I ask is this not killing two birds with one stone? When you pay for an expensive Philanthropy project you feel good about the kindness you have shown but also feel down about the money you have spent. This is the issue with spending a lot of money on a person in America as opposed to one in a third world country. We can do a good deed at a lower price which makes us feel even better. So sure there are those that might yell “No outsourcing of Philanthropy” but these children can do the job of helping us feel better about ourselves at a much lower price. Plus it helps out that third world country which without our aid would have one more hungry mouth to feed. The only solution I can think of is if the hungry children immigrated here and we paid them for their cheap philanthropy needs.
    So returning from my tangent on globalization and its effects on Philanthropy I would like to announce our sponsored child… introducing Estarvin from the Dominican Republic (chosen among other more important reasons for his name which explains his situation (pun intended), His name can also seem similar to mine but if anyone calls me this I swear to god…) Once I get more information on the little guy I will brief everyone on his situation and how IFS has helped.

    Paying for the little guy is another issue that I have worked tirelessly on. I have always wanted to do something good with out costing us an arm and a leg. He is 30 dollars a month which works out to 90 dollars per meeting so we have 3 months times $30 is $90. With 17 members this works out to $5.5 per member every third month. Still too pricey? Well I have called up IHOP and talked to the manager, he told me he would be willing to give us a 10% discount on our entire bill for our meetings. 17 members plus $25 give or take meals comes out to $425. 10% is $42.5. This will go to sponsoring the child which comes out to $90-$42.5 is $ 47.5. Divide this number by all members and we get $2.8 for each member every third month! I told you paying for a child in a third world country would be cheap and how good does it feel to say “IFS is responsible for saving a life” a little better than saving Christmas right?

Santa Barbara bum on the left and Estarvin on the right.