Ask a 1920's Baseball fan

With Opening Day 12 days away, I thought it would be nice to revel in some life advice from a 1920's baseball fan. 

                                 http://www.theonion.com/content/node/75689


"Carroll's got a swing so slow you could plant cabbage in it, and that shortstop Spink don't never know whether to bake beans or go blind when the apple falls his way."