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This post is directed at the Rabbi of Leisure and his 'yes man'....

"Okay, so this is where you tell me all about how locals rule and yuppie insects like me shouldn't be surfing your break and all that, right? No. That would be a waste of time. We're just going to fuck you up....on the blogosphere."

True Story:

 On a sunny afternoon 4 guys (3 IFS members) struck out on a surf mission to a local spot.  This spot was actually featured quietly in the hit movie 'Point Break', including a famous 'localism' intimidation scene. 

Although this surf spot is no secret, it is a bit off the beaten track and I won't go into the etiquette and complexities of showing up at an uncrowded, quality surf break with only a few people in the water, but in short, you must be respectful and tread lightly. 

After the OC crew took a trip back to the car to fetch sun screen to prevent dry skin and rashes, we hit the water.  OC team leader quickly surfs a set wave, while OC towel boy cheers him on by hooting and hollering. "There's not enough wax on my board. This water is cold, I wish I had a better wetsuit, I usually wear booties, my feet go numb easy." were a few choice expressions from the guy you don't want talking to you in the lineup.

After more than an hour surfing in excellent conditions, our esteemed Rabbi of Leisure realizes he is late to take his 17 year old sister to the Kanye West concert in San Diego by 7pm.  A mid-lineup freak out ensues, "We've got to go! MOM! Art and Design! towel boy! we have to go RIGHT NOW!  I'm so late, oh my god, oh my god!" The Rabbi exclaims.

I reluctantly paddle for a wave and ride it to the beach where I proceeded to question the Rabbi about the seriousness of his public outburst.  (Direct Quote)  "My parents are going to be so pissed" he relayed with the utmost urgency.  "Can't you find someone else to take your sister to the Kanye West concert?  Why can't she drive herself, she's 17."  I manage to say without laughing at the reason for our immediate departure. 

At this point A&D and I were not prepared to leave a beautiful, almost empty lineup for a seemingly ridiculous errand.  After serious negotiation and justification I allow OC team towel boy to drive my car back to town so team OC can return home.  (I allow OC team towel boy to drive, since the Rabbi can't drive a car with a manual transmission.)  "We'll either get 'Competition' to give us a ride, or we'll take the bus."

Two OC 'tenderfeet' depart in a hurry, driving my car. "Utah! Get me Two!"

After a few more hours of empty, beautiful surfing conditions A&D and I are exhausted and content with bellies full of tasty waves.  30 miles from our house, "Gee I wish we had a car."

After a small walk to a bus stop, A&D and I bundle our dripping wetsuits into hobo packs and wait patiently for the Express #3 bus.  "How did you get your boards here?" the bus driver inquires.  "We drove a car here, but then someone took our car back without us." We replied.  "Someone stole your car?!" he exclaimed.  Not exactly.

We were placed in the back of the bus where our boards would fit in between the bench seat.  The driver had to ask a couple of day laborers to move to accommodate our equipment.  The picture above was taken on the bus and illustrates our frustration with our tenderfoot surf companions and also captures the beauty of public, urban surf transport.  'Viva los Dodgers!' A&D and I share a laugh on the enjoyable and peculiar bus ride back to town.  Competition picks us up at the local bus terminal and we return home.

Please understand, I post this story not as an example of why I'm cooler or better than our companions.  I post this story to highlight ridiculous behavior which fulfills the stereotype of everything you try and avoid.  When a 25 year old is begging his friend to help him, because of the threat of parental repercussions and Kanye West concerts, you have to laugh at yourself.  It's important to listen to yourself speak and make sure you sound sane. No harm intended, just a bit of comedy.

"Back off Warchild, seriously."

With a victory over the Packers, the Giants have cemented their Super Bowl seat, and no one could be more excited than Carl from ATHF.  And with that, we must now decide where we will be watching this glorious event.  The votes on the site / poll are split down the middle, but after last weekend in LA, most confirmed they would rather watch it in LA, as SB's TV situation is questionable, and the sheer number of participants living in LA is larger.  But this should be settled now so that preperations for Feb. 3rd can be made.  Kegs, streamers, and a server all need to be lined up so let's figure this out in the next day or two.  SB people, will you be watching the game?  Is it just you Baggs?  Is Wardrobe really going to be selling shoes instead of watching the game / commercials?  The poll is up on the right now, Persons can now be called by his Flapjackian name Minister of Art Design, unless anyone wants to petition for the addition of an ampersand in between Art Design.

Dearest Ministers,

I regret to inform you all that yesterday afternoon I discovered a large crack and subsequent leak in the habitat of Louie and Nacho Frank.  After a long clean up and discussion, it has been decided to let the beloved IFS turtles run free.  Currently they reside in an ice chest in the Franklin house living room.

The plan is to take our beloved pets to Echo Park Lake tonight and set them free to live the rest of their days in a veritable paradise.  For those worried about setting pets into a semi-natural environment, and ruining a natural setting, don't worry.  As you can see in the attached photo Echo Park lake is enclosed by city streets and greater Los Angeles.  The turtles aren't going anywhere.  In addition to their new larger, more exciting retirement home the turtles will be getting much more UV radiation which they desperately need, and cannot receive in our sheltered apartment.  We have witnessed a number of larger healthy Red-Eared Slider turtles in and around the lake, which indicates the lake can either nurture the turtles to grow to a large size or at least sustain their normal size.
Although we are sad to see our reptilian friends go, we know this is probably the best thing for them.  The residents of the Franklin residence are also growing a little tired of the time and financial burden the little crap-factories have placed on their owners, however we wanted to give anyone the opportunity to adopt Louie and Nacho Frank.  We have everything they need except a tank.  If anyone wants to come forward and adopt the little guys "speak now or forever hold your peace".
If not, we will be making a ceremonial journey to Echo Park tonight to set them free in their own urban lake paradise.  Afterwards we will be eating some Tacos from a trailer in their memory just down the road in Echo Park.  If anyone is interested in adopting or joining in the goodbye let me know before Thursday night.

I love you all. 

Technical Details:

Part of my job as the Director of Quality Control is to process GPS points collected in the field to check the Aerial Laser Survey data.  The Field Operations Specialist (Defense) mounts a survey grade GPS antenna on a vehicle, measures the antenna height and drives around the project area.  The resulting data is processed to a very high degree of accuracy (2-4cm) and compared with the Laser points collected in the aircraft to make sure they are accurate.  When the accuracy of the points is good, these charts show them in green.

Just imagine my satisfaction when i checked these GPS points and found they were all of very high quality and in the shape of a cock and balls.  I can just imagine the smile on Defense's face as he charted his path through the central valley, thinking of me in the office, sitting in my cubicle, processing GPS points, taking screen shots and making IFS posts.  Meanwhile the heavy pelican case for the GPS equipment sits atop the shattered sacred documents. A giant green shlong and a job well done sir.  The client will be pleased.

At 5:55pm today I discovered our beloved Arnold the Red-Eared Slider Turtle had expired.  He is survived by Louie and a few goldfish.  He died of natural causes and appeared peaceful, it was a good death.  Arnold will be remembered for his ability to eat multiple goldfish in one sitting, absorbing sun rays on Monkey Rock, and swimming incessantly into the tank glass.  Upon viewing this post, please take a moment from your busy day to remember Arnold and send a prayer his way in Turtle Heaven.  He willed sole possession of Monkey Rock to Louie.  Rest in Peace old boy.